Picture by dominiqueb on Flickr.
Just lately I did a search on Google for “Buddha quotes on friendship,” and was shocked to seek out that the highest consequence was a web page the place 100% of the quotes have been fabricated. They’re both quotes by different folks which have been misattributed to the Buddha, or somebody has sat down and composed a bunch of Hallmark-sounding quotes, and put them on a web site, stamped onto photographs of the Buddha.
I’m not even going to hyperlink to the location in query, however right here’s a pattern of the BS they’re making an attempt to move off as being from the Buddhist scriptures:
(I’ve needed to current these within the type of a picture, as a result of guess what textual content Google determined to show within the search outcomes? Sure, the faux quotes!)
None of those, and not one of the different 5 quotes on the location, is real. None of them is from the Buddha. They’re all faux.
Presumably this act of deception was completed with a purpose to make cash by way of promoting, though I can’t rule out the chance that the creator of the quotes additionally took malicious pleasure out of fooling folks.
One of the crucial startling issues about that is the failure of Google’s high quality filters. They boast of bringing prime quality info to web customers, and so they largely do, however right here they’re providing up full rubbish, rating this website in first place. They rank it above a variety of wonderful articles on friendship within the Buddhist custom (together with one by by Norman Fisher and another, on this site, by Justin Whitaker) ,and likewise above Wikipedia’s article on kalyāṇa mittatā, which is the Pāli phrase for non secular friendship.
With that introduction out of the way in which, listed below are some real quotes from the early Buddhist texts on friendship, with a little bit context thrown in.
1. “Good mates, companions, and associates are the entire of the non secular life.”
That is from a passage within the Upaḍḍhasutta (SN 45.2) the place the Buddha’s cousin and attendant, Ānanda, involves him to specific his realization of how vital friendship (kalyāṇa mittatā) is within the non secular life:
On one event the Blessed One was dwelling among the many Sakyans the place there was a city of the Sakyans [the Buddha’s tribe] named Nagaraka [“Little Town”]. Then the Venerable Ānanda approached the Blessed One. Having approached, he paid homage to the Blessed One, sat down to 1 aspect, and mentioned to him:
“Venerable sir, that is half of the holy life, that’s, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”
“Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda! That is the complete holy life, Ānanda, that’s, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship. When a bhikkhu [monk] has a great buddy, a great companion, a great comrade, it’s to be anticipated that he’ll develop and domesticate the Noble Eightfold Path.
Ānanda’s realization was vital, however from the Buddha’s standpoint it didn’t go far sufficient. The Buddha acknowledged that with out the assist of different folks, we gained’t make a lot non secular progress. Actually, the assist of others is indispensable.
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Typically folks suppose that the Buddha obtained enlightened all on his personal. In a way he did, however you possibly can’t take his second of enlightenment out of the context of his complete life, the place he little doubt acquired non secular instruction at house, after which after his “going forth” he had two lecturers, Āḷāra of the Kālāma tribe and Uddaka Rāmaputta (son of Rāma). After that, he had 5 companions with whom he practiced till shortly earlier than his enlightenment. He could even have clarified his understanding of non secular follow by way of the act of instructing. Any of us that teaches is aware of that the act of instructing helps us to develop into clearer about what we all know.
2. “By relying upon me as a great buddy … beings are free of sorrow, lamentation, ache, displeasure, and despair.”
Later in the identical dialog, the Buddha factors out how he himself is a non secular buddy to the complete world.
By relying upon me as a great buddy, Ānanda, beings topic to start are free of start; beings topic to growing older are free of growing older; beings topic to loss of life are free of loss of life; beings topic to sorrow, lamentation, ache, displeasure, and despair are free of sorrow, lamentation, ache, displeasure, and despair. By this methodology it could be understood how the complete holy life is nice friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.
3. “A real buddy is one who stands by you in want.”
Truly this one does sound a bit like one thing from a Hallmark card! It’s from a bit within the Sigālovāda Sutta, the place the Buddha summarizes, in poetic verse, some teachings he’s simply given to a householder referred to as Sigālaka, on the way to keep away from dangerous deeds and dangerous influences. The verse that incorporates this line says: “Some are simply consuming buddies, some name you their expensive, expensive buddy, however a real buddy is one who stands by you in want.” One other translation renders this as “Some are consuming buddies, some say, ‘Pricey buddy! Pricey buddy!’ however whoever in hardship stands shut by, that one really is a buddy.” A robust emphasis on this part of the discourse is avoiding mates who can be dangerous influences.
This not the one factor that the Buddha has to say to Sigālaka in regards to the worth of friendship. There’s a bit on faux mates, and one other on “good-hearted mates” (suhada-mitta).
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4. “A buddy offers what is tough to offer, and does what’s laborious to do. They put up along with your harsh phrases, and with issues laborious to endure.”
There’s a stunning little instructing referred to as the “Mitta Sutta” (the “Discourse on Buddies”) the place the Buddha tells a bunch of monks about seven qualities they need to search for in a buddy. The seven are:
- They provide what is tough to offer.
- They do what is tough to do.
- They endure what is tough to endure.
- They reveal their secrets and techniques to you.
- They hold your secrets and techniques.
- They don’t abandon you in occasions of bother.
- They don’t look down on you in occasions of loss.
“The particular person in whom this stuff are discovered is your buddy,” the Buddha says, as he sums up his instructing in a verse that features the headline quote above.
As Justin Whitaker factors out in one other article on friendship we’ve revealed on this website, it’s notable that the Buddha doesn’t say that your buddy must be sensible, or an ideal meditator. That is good, primary stuff to do with integrity and mutual respect.
5. “Acknowledge these 4 good-hearted mates: the helper, the buddy in good occasions and dangerous, the counselor, and the one who’s compassionate.”
The Buddha has warned Sigālaka the way to acknowledge those that are solely after your cash or who wish to lead you into consuming and playing, however he additionally encourages the younger man to understand good mates. He not solely lists 4 kinds of good-hearted buddy, however offers Sigālaka recommendations on the way to acknowledge every kind:
- The Helper: “They guard you once you’re negligent. They guard your property once you’re negligent. They hold you secure in occasions of hazard. When one thing wants doing, they provide you with twice the cash you want.”
- The Buddy in Good Instances and Unhealthy: “They inform you secrets and techniques. They hold your secrets and techniques. They don’t abandon you in occasions of bother. They’d even give their life to your welfare.”
- The Counselor: “They hold you from doing dangerous. They assist you in doing good. They train you what you have no idea. They clarify the trail to heaven.”
- The Compassionate Buddy: “They don’t enjoyment of your misfortune. They enjoyment of your luck. They hold others from criticizing you. They encourage reward of you.”
The Buddha rounds out this recommendation as soon as once more in poetic verse: “An astute particular person understands, these 4 mates for what they’re and thoroughly takes care of them, like a mom the kid at her breast.”
6. “Emulating consummate conviction … consummate advantage … consummate generosity … and consummate discernment. That is referred to as admirable friendship.”
Right here the Buddha is giving advice to another householder, Dīghajāṇu the Koliyan, who has requested for some normal recommendation on what would contribute to his and others’ “welfare and happiness on this life and in future lives.”
The Buddha affords recommendation beneath the 4 classes of moral livelihood, safety, good friendship, and balanced funds. The condensed quote above clearly comes from the recommendation on admirable or good friendship (kalyāṇa mittatā).
In full, that recommendation reads as follows:
“And what’s meant by admirable friendship? There may be the case the place a lay particular person, in no matter city or village he could dwell, spends time with homeowners or homeowners’ sons, younger or outdated, who’re superior in advantage. He talks with them, engages them in discussions. He emulates consummate conviction in those that are consummate in conviction, consummate advantage in those that are consummate in advantage, consummate generosity in those that are consummate in generosity, and consummate discernment in those that are consummate in discernment. That is referred to as admirable friendship.”
7. “One who has non secular mates abandons what’s unwholesome and develops what’s healthful.”
I’ve modified “bhikkhu” (monk) to “one” on this quote from the Itivuttika as a result of though the Buddha was speaking to monks when he made this assertion, it’s clearly true for everybody. Anybody can profit from having a non secular buddy (kalyāṇa mitta).
Within the full passage I’ve quoted from, the Buddha says the truth is that non secular friendship is a very powerful exterior consider a non secular practitioner’s life: “I don’t understand one other single issue so useful as non secular friendship for a monk who’s a learner, who has not attained perfection however lives aspiring for the supreme safety from bondage.”
8. “You must prepare like this: ‘I’ll have good mates, companions, and associates.’”
That is one thing that the Buddha said to his friend, King Pasenadi of Kosala, after the ruler had made an announcement praising the significance of non secular mates. The Buddha went on to say, “When you could have non secular mates [kalyāṇa mittas], non secular companions, and non secular associates, you reside supported by one factor—diligence in skillful qualities.”
9. “Because the daybreak is the forerunner of the dawn, so non secular friendship is the forerunner of the arising of the components of enlightenment.”
There are a selection of discourses the place the Buddha emphasizes the significance of non secular friendship as a assist for following the eightfold path. Here he switches issues up and refers to a different model of the trail — the Seven Components of Enlightenment. He additionally provides the great simile of the daybreak’s first gentle heralding the arrival of the solar.
The Buddha talked elsewhere about friendship being one of many components that forestalls a non secular practitioner from slipping away from their follow: “One with good mates, simple to admonish, reverential and respectful, can’t decline, and has drawn close to to nirvāṇa.”
10. “Regard one who sees your faults as a information to a hidden treasure. Keep shut to 1 so sensible and astute who corrects you once you want it.”
This recommendation doesn’t imply you must hang around with unfavorable, overcritical so-and-so’s. It assumes that the particular person is sensible, and is ready to level out faults in a spiritually useful method. Actually the Buddha offered 5 issues we must always apply to ourselves is we think about providing criticism: “I’ll converse on the proper time, not on the flawed time. I’ll converse in truth, not falsely. I’ll converse gently, not harshly. I’ll converse beneficially, not harmfully. I’ll converse lovingly, not from secret hate.”
The quote within the heading is from the Dhammapada, the place verses 76 to 78 are about the advantages of non secular friendship, as contrasted with “low” mates who lead you astray.
- Regard one who sees your faults as a information to a hidden treasure. Keep shut to 1 so sensible and astute who corrects you once you want it. Sticking near such an neutral particular person, issues get higher, not worse.
- Advise and instruct; curb wickedness: for you shall be cherished by the nice, and disliked by the dangerous.
- Don’t combine with dangerous mates, nor with the worst of males. Combine with non secular mates, and with the perfect of males.
11. “A non secular practitioner with good mates, companions, and associates can count on to be sensible.”
One of many predominant teachings in regards to the worth of friendship to be discovered within the scriptures recounts an incident the place the Buddha’s attendant, Meghiya, abandons him to go off meditating within the shade of a stunning mango grove he’d noticed. (For apparent causes Meghiya was not the Buddha’s attendant for lengthy!)
Within the quote above I’ve rendered “bhikkhu” as “non secular practitioner” as an alternative of monk, as a result of the purpose the Buddha’s making isn’t legitimate just for males who’ve a sure ecclesiastical standing, however to all of us.
Again to Meghiya: He apparently expects he’s going to have nice meditations in his stunning mango grove, however as an alternative he’s assailed by distractions. When he comes again to the Buddha together with his tail between his legs, the Buddha offers him an intensive instructing on the ways in which friendship is a assist within the non secular life.
He says that monks “with good mates, companions, and associates” can count on:
- To be moral, restrained within the monastic code, conducting themselves nicely and searching for alms in appropriate locations. Seeing hazard within the slightest fault, they hold the foundations they’ve undertaken.
- To participate in speak about self-effacement that helps open the center, when they need, with out bother or issue. That’s, speak about fewness of needs, contentment, seclusion, aloofness, arousing vitality, ethics, immersion, knowledge, freedom, and the information and imaginative and prescient of freedom.
- To have their vitality roused up for giving up unskillful qualities and embracing skillful qualities.
- To be sensible. They’ve the knowledge of arising and passing away which is noble, penetrative, and results in the entire ending of struggling.
When the center’s launch just isn’t mature, these 5 issues collectively (the 4 within the checklist, plus friendship itself) assist it mature. In different phrases, friendship helps assist us all the way in which to enlightenment.
Meghiya himself, in abandoning the Buddha, has not been a great buddy. He’s additionally turned down a possibility to be on the receiving finish of the Buddha’s friendship and companionship. His ego obtained in the way in which of his friendships, and thus of his non secular progress.
So there you could have ten Buddha quotes from the scriptures on the subject of friendship.
If the writer of the location I began off speaking about had good mates within the sense that the Buddha used that time period — individuals who exemplify moral qualities and restrain us from doing dangerous issues — then they wouldn’t be aiming to make cash by mendacity to folks.
And in case you have an opportunity to hang around with real quotes from the Buddhist scriptures, possibly we shouldn’t be like Meghiya and head off for the flashier, feel-good, however faux variations.
