by Brent A. Satterly, PhD, LCSW
What’s it like being a homosexual social employee? It’d be unimaginable to scale back being homosexual to 1 facet of my being, however to set the stage, I’ll begin with my very own popping out story. So, prepare with a cup of tea, slay a spell, and possibly seize just a few tissues.
Sizzling Tears: A Minivan Coming Out Story
On the age of 20, I sat in a greasy spoon diner throughout from my father whereas unsuccessfully making an attempt to eat the carb-filled breakfast sitting earlier than me. In the present day was the day I used to be popping out to him, so I used to be understandably nauseous. You see, I had just lately come out in school, and given small-town gossip, it wouldn’t be lengthy earlier than he heard it from another person.
“Do you thoughts if we go for a drive?” I muttered.
“Certain,” he stated, and we left in his minivan. The quiet roads of suburbia turned the backdrop for this “developmental milestone” second. My dad is a talker and he didn’t disappoint. Attempting to wind up the braveness as he nattered on, I mirrored that my dad and mom had at all times advised me that I used to be…excellent. They had been affirming of us who made certain I knew that they cherished me. And but, with the reducing echoes of highschool homophobic trauma coupled with the worry of demise that solely a homosexual sissy boy rising up within the age of AIDS in small city USA can really feel, I questioned if this is able to be the final time I noticed Dad. Would he, like so many fathers of homosexual sons, merely stroll out of my life?
“DAD!” I lastly interrupted. Sensing my misery, he pulled the van over and turned to me. With trepidation, I started, “I’ve one thing to let you know. It’s one thing I’ve felt a whole lot of disgrace about for years and….” Gently, he put his hand on my knee and I ended speaking. He checked out me and stated, “Brent. I do know.”
“Y-You already know I’m homosexual?” I stammered with watering eyes.
“I’ve at all times identified,” he stated with love that shone from his each pore as he appeared into me. My closet—the one whose corners had been lined with stuffed animals for defense, the one whose door I frantically repaired when cracks of adolescent boy crushes appeared, the one which supplied the one shelter I knew in a world that hated homosexual sissy boys—that closet burst into splinters of rainbows. And I started to sob.
He reached over and gently pulled my head onto his chest and stroked my hair as my physique wracked with years of closeted loneliness, worry, and grief. His sizzling tears fell on the again of my neck as he stated essentially the most therapeutic phrases of my younger life: “I’m so sorry you needed to undergo this all by your self.”
I advised you to have some tissues. I used to be very fortunate to have such a loving father. Sadly, such just isn’t the case for a lot of Lesbian, Homosexual, Bisexual, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual+ (LGBTQIA+) kids. I share this true story to say that serving to Queer shoppers isn’t solely the area of LGBTQIA+ social staff. Certainly, identification doesn’t qualify social staff to work successfully with LGBTQIA+ shoppers—that takes coaching and supervision. For instance, cisgender (folks whose gender identification corresponds to their intercourse assigned at delivery) social staff may be affirming of trans or non-binary shoppers by respectfully utilizing their pronouns. Heterosexual social staff can analysis Queer-affirming sources for his or her Queer shoppers. And don’t get me began on the significance of figuring out trauma-informed medical care with Queer of us.
On Being a Homosexual Social Employee
With this in thoughts, what does it imply to be a homosexual social employee? Such a query is reductionistic in two methods. First, it oversimplifies the complexity of how gender identification and sexual orientation embody your personhood. There’s a couple of lived expertise of being homosexual, after all. For instance, as a homosexual sissy boy, my gender expression straight impacts my expertise of the world since nothing appears extra threatening to males than a person who swishes into the room. Folks assume my sexual orientation based mostly upon my gender expression, to not whom I’m attracted or love. Conversely, a masculine-presenting man is mostly assumed to be straight. And we all know that this isn’t at all times the case.
Second, this notion of being a homosexual social employee denies the intersectionality of how a number of identities (e.g., race, ethnicity, skill, class, and many others.) influence the every day lives of Queer of us in a heteronormative, homophobic, transphobic, racist, classist world. We should look past such sole categorical identification containers that restrict our systemic understanding of the interaction of tradition, privilege, and oppression. In different phrases, a white homosexual cis-male able-bodied social employee can have a unique expertise within the subject than that of, say, a Black bisexual social employee with a bodily incapacity or a trans Latinx social employee based mostly upon these intersectionalities.
Having famous these two essential factors, nonetheless, I can unequivocally say that I LOVE being a homosexual social employee! At its finest, the sector of social work is one that’s strengths-based and empowering for all communities. Reflecting my very own values and homosexual personhood, it’s what led me to the sector. In my graduate research, I recall desperately researching handle my homosexual identification when working with straight shoppers. Do I disclose or not? Do I right a shopper in the event that they ask my spouse’s identify? How do I handle a homophobic shopper? Peer? Supervisor? The literature was sparse and the professoriate ill-equipped to supply steering about being an LGBQTIA+ social employee. With little to no illustration, I—and my Queer friends—muddled by way of subject placements with straight and cisgender supervisors who usually required our tutelage on every thing from the fundamentals of sexual orientation and gender identification to Queer medical nuances properly past my coaching. We needed to translate straight principle for Queer social work apply. Faculty of onerous knocks, certainly.
Upon coming into the sector—with completely different developmental experiences from my heterosexual friends—I method apply from my very own lived expertise of being a homosexual sissy boy. Swishing into my work, nonetheless, I commonly encounter homophobic shoppers, college students, co-workers, and supervisors. For instance, I recall sitting in a case convention a couple of homosexual male couple throughout which a colleague turned to me and quipped, “I’d love to listen to the gay perspective. Brent?” Or that household remedy session when a conflicted father urged me to not “affect” his bisexual daughter so she would make the suitable “alternative.” Or when a colleague suggested me to cease dressing so “homosexual.” Or when a pupil in my social work apply class requested if I used to be biased when working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Or the quite a few tales of my homosexual colleagues, considered one of whom was working with a shopper who started muttering about desirous to kill homosexuals. Or my colleague whose supervisor forbade him from talking with the “bisexual” shoppers.
After all, responses to those encounters might all differ based mostly on context and relationships. With shoppers, security and shopper best-interest had been at all times ethically paramount. It does, the truth is, require ego-strength, knowledge, and high quality supervision to navigate such homophobic reactions and attitudes whereas nonetheless endeavoring to fulfill shoppers the place they’re and empower them to attain their targets. Navigating homophobia with shoppers is kind of completely different, nonetheless, from doing so with colleagues or supervisors. Regardless, I way back determined to neither restrict my profession prospects nor entice myself in a job with a homophobic boss. Because the day of my father’s sizzling tears on the again of my neck, I promised myself that I might not dim my sparkle for anybody. And dare I say, neither must you.
Queering Social Work Suggestions
For my cisgender and heterosexual colleagues, I might ask how you would possibly reply to the 20-year-old frightened homosexual sissy boy popping out to you? Or a trans youth? In the event you don’t know, maybe take into account increasing your LGBTQIA+ particular social work ability units and reflecting on how your individual private values intersect along with your moral apply. Social justice is motion, not a catch phrase.
And for my beloved Queer friends, I’d recommend just a few issues:
- Develop your Queer Social Work Household. In the event you don’t have a Queer social work community, construct one.
- Spend money on Your self. Return to high school or pursue superior certifications to increase your profession choices.
- Don’t Settle. Discover a job that respects and celebrates your Queerness.
- Be Genuine. Be your self…and in the event you can’t, take into account searching for your individual therapeutic.
- Be PROUD. Pleasure is a protest, but it surely’s additionally a celebration. Sparkle proudly, my associates.
For extra Queer-specific reflections, try:
Satterly, B. A., & Dyson, D. A. (2008). Sexual minority supervision. The Medical Supervisor, 27(1), 17-38.
Satterly, B. A. (2006). Therapist self-disclosure from a homosexual male perspective. Households in Society, 87(2), 240-248.
Brent A. Satterly, PhD, MSS, LCSW, is a full professor at Widener College’s Middle for Social Work Schooling. His areas of experience embrace human sexuality and social work pedagogies, LGBTQIA+ medical care, LGBTQIA+ skilled identification administration, HIV/AIDS, household remedy, and using popular culture in educating social justice.
* Shout out to my drag queen sister, Estee Lauderdale, for uplifting this title!
