Negative Personality Traits That Are Actually Beneficial

The key to life is to place your self in the precise lighting. Susan Cain wrote this in her e-book, Quiet, all in regards to the energy of introverts in a world that may’t cease speaking. After filling 365 pages with the reality that there are many different powers in the world for introverts and extroverts, Cain writes in her conclusion, “The trick is to not amass all of the completely different varieties of obtainable energy, however to make use of nicely the type you’ve been granted.”

By means of studying her e-book, I found one thing essential about myself. My quietness and shyness have been a stunning unlocking of my potential, not a disruption. I simply wanted to redirect the best way I used to be occupied with them. I wasn’t awkward—I used to be insightful. I wasn’t weak—I used to be delicate. I had a key that would unlock entry to a non-public backyard filled with riches. I discovered energy in remark and empathy and couldn’t beat myself up for missing the need to seek out it in public talking and in depth dialog. 

So, what else was I lacking about who I used to be? What unfavorable truths have been really constructive alternatives? 

Societal expectations are overwhelming; the best way we see ourselves doesn’t and shouldn’t align with the perfect. Unrightfully labeled “dangerous traits” may be good.

Society sees the world a sure manner. People are speculated to be determined multitaskers, hustlers, dreamers, underdogs, and the beautiful pairing to the American dream. Girls are speculated to be quiet, compliant, and, on the identical time, humble and effortlessly sexual. Societal expectations are overwhelming; the best way we see ourselves doesn’t and shouldn’t align with the perfect. Unrightfully labeled “dangerous traits” may be good. If we observe them in a brand new mild, we are able to acquire energy from them and ourselves.

So, I got here up with six character traits (about myself) that I’ve at all times discovered unfavorable; I explored how they are often my secret but palpable superpowers. 

1. Envy

I’ve been envious extra occasions than I can rely. Till I grew to become a author, I felt envy for different writers deeply. I needed to be an writer. I needed to learn my e-book in a bookstore. In each early 2000s romantic comedy that featured the primary character as {a magazine} editor (Author’s Be aware: principally all of them), I needed to have that life. That envy got here in an fascinating kind. Eager to be a author so badly made me really feel incompetent and overwhelmed by the chance. I feared the envy and the prospect of failure.

Not too long ago, somebody at work informed me that envy in my skilled life might point out what I needed. Being envious uncovered a need and an unspeakable want. What a constructive manner to have a look at emotion! If I begin to really feel like I need one thing another person has, I want to make use of it as a sign to pursue stated urge for food; break down the seed of that need. Envy could also be an unsightly emotion, but it surely tells the reality. If we observe our needs objectively, we are able to higher outline attain them.

Envy could also be an unsightly emotion, but it surely tells the reality. If we observe our needs objectively, we are able to higher outline attain them.

I wish to be aware right here that envy is completely different than jealousy. I realized this from Brené Brown, the coveted feelings researcher and TED Speak extraordinaire. Jealousy and envy usually are not the identical issues. Envy is between two folks and wanting one thing that another person has. Jealousy, then again, is between three folks and it’s the concern of shedding one thing we already must another person. I’ve discovered this profit in envy particularly and realizing I need one thing, versus being afraid of shedding one thing I have already got.

2. Self-criticism 

As a author, I am going again and browse what I’ve written lots. I discover myself on outdated Instagram posts, on-line articles, and journal entries—critiquing what I’ve shared prior to now. After I first began retaining a journal (round first grade) I grew to become obsessive about going again and rereading yr by yr. I used to be intrigued by how a lot issues had modified; by how my telling of these issues had modified.

So, it is sensible that I typically come throughout earlier write-ups that I hate. I cringe at my model and tone, how I place phrases, and beliefs or ideas I had. On the intense aspect of this unfavorable self-critique, once I look again on my artwork and dislike it, I believe it’s as a result of I’ve grown past a previous self. Change may be uncomfortable—however discomfort typically results in deeper progress. And being self-critical is one strategy to establish that progress occurring.

3. Messing up

I mess up ALL the time. I mess up at work. I mess up with my pals. I mess up with my household. I mess up relating to saving cash, cooking, driving, loving, and being unhappy. Messing up is in our nature.

Nonetheless, making errors in all these realms signifies we might must relaxation. We have to decelerate and, figuratively, cease attempting to pat our heads and rub our stomachs on the identical time. I hit burnout early within the yr at my job. My work was sloppy and I didn’t have the headspace to put in writing. I made errors that felt beginner. So, I took a while off to relaxation. Going dormant doesn’t imply I’m weak. And messing up actually doesn’t imply I’m silly or incapable. Think about that, millennial perfectionist! (Author’s Be aware: I’m mocking myself however blink twice for those who really feel the identical.)

4. Laziness 

Opposite to hustle tradition, transferring slowly—solely finishing one essential activity a day—is a luxurious. When compelled to multitask, our brains have a more difficult time with recall. We turn into overwhelmed. I additionally learn someplace that individuals who stroll slowly are happier. That resonated with me. Why was I in a rush to do the entire issues, the entire time?

I wish to make laziness my battle cry. I’m not unwilling to do work or deplete numerous vitality, however I wish to be prepared to let issues transfer slowly. And never hate myself for it. My sister gave me a e-book not too long ago referred to as How to Be More Tree and the primary web page stated it finest: “As a clever individual as soon as stated, endurance isn’t within the ready, it’s the way you take care of having to attend. And Japanese maples have this all labored out. These little timber develop within the mountains, the place the tempo of life is sluggish, winters may be arduous, and it’s not a fantastic concept to overstretch your self.”

So, be like a Japanese maple. You’ll be full of beautiful bronze foliage finally.

5. Swearing

Till I used to be in faculty, I used to be conditioned to suppose that swearing made me foul. I didn’t swear in entrance of my dad and mom till I used to be in my late twenties and nonetheless cringe once I achieve this now (I’m thirty-four). Regardless of being afraid of the phrase f*ck for therefore lengthy, once I began swearing it made me really feel glad. It felt good to yell a hefty “rattling it” Hail Mary into the air. Regardless of pondering I used to be a foul-mouthed sailor, swearing makes me really feel… calm. 

A Keele College study not too long ago got here out and confirmed swearing has a profit to your ache response. The small print of the analysis confirmed that swearing allowed folks to carry their arms beneath chilly water for an extended period of time, in comparison with the group of people that weren’t allowed to swear. I believe what I’m writing right here is that generally, saying “fuck it, I give up” is usually a therapeutic balm.

6. Introversion 

A quote by Anaïs Nin: “Our tradition made a advantage of dwelling solely as extroverts. We discouraged the inside journey, the search for a middle. So we misplaced our middle and have to seek out it once more.” 

I can shine as an introvert as a result of it’s that character trait that permits me to be a greater listener and a compassionate storyteller. Understanding this little bit of myself allowed me to provide myself extra grace. 

In Susan Cain’s e-book, she writes to remember that look will not be actuality. We don’t know what’s happening inside folks’s minds. They could possibly be writing a sonnet, imagining a concern, or occupied with what they’re going to say subsequent. However, we are able to’t assume extroversion is the one kind of energy. Being an introvert is just too. Quiet is compelling. 

I didn’t perceive earlier than studying her e-book, Quiet, that the Extrovert Preferrred had overshadowed my life for therefore lengthy. Whereas studying, it rapidly grew to become obvious to me that my reality was the introvert mentality. I used to be overly delicate. I didn’t like loud noises. I at all times felt empathetic. And once I stifled the concept of being an introvert, I stifled these issues too. I misplaced part of myself whereas attempting to pleasure myself on with the ability to be a shocking public speaker and hated myself once I shut down and felt deeply awkward in dialog. I can shine as an introvert as a result of it’s that character trait that permits me to be a greater listener and a compassionate storyteller. Understanding this little bit of myself allowed me to provide myself extra grace. 

The lesson right here is that this. If we’re curious and open to how unfavorable private traits can turn into relevant classes in self-definement, we are able to use lemons to make lemonade. 

Ending with this excellent quote from Susan Cain: “Discover out what you are supposed to contribute to the world and ensure you contribute it. If this requires public talking or networking or different actions that make you uncomfortable, do them anyway. However settle for that they’re troublesome, get the coaching it’s essential to make them simpler, and reward your self if you’re performed.”

Susan Cain quotes at all times make me wish to mic drop. Now, inform me your unfavorable truths which can be really helpful. We will all be taught from them.