Slepian shares that the primary trait to look is compassion: “As you possibly can think about, these are people who find themselves caring, nonjudgmental, and empathic,” he says. “These folks have rather a lot to supply in the case of confiding a secret.” It is smart—a compassionate confidant is ready to absolutely take heed to your struggles with an intent to know, with out inserting themselves into the difficulty at-hand.
This is the place Slepian surprises us: The second trait he says to search for is assertiveness. “Individuals prefer to speak in confidence to folks they see as assertive,” he notes. “That is somebody who’s going to push you to do the factor that it’s essential to do.” Along with sharing an out of doors perspective, these folks can assist inspire you to take motion towards what must be accomplished, which is very useful in case your secret is weighing in your conscience.
Now, the final trait a very good secret-keeper is a little more subjective: “You need to select somebody who may have the same set of morals as you do. You don’t need to provoke a powerful ethical response in your confidant,” says Slepian. See, if somebody is totally scandalized by what you’re telling them, they’re extra more likely to blab. “If what you’re telling them is one thing they discover to be morally reprehensible, they’re extra more likely to inform a 3rd get together about that secret as a method of punishing what they see as immoral habits,” says Slepian. If you happen to really want to preserve your secrets and techniques underneath the radar, ensure that the individual you inform has no ethical stake within the matter.
On the same observe, ensure that your secrets and techniques don’t entangle them into the problem. “Does the key contain somebody that they know, so now they’ve to look at what they are saying round folks?” poses Slepian. “If that’s the one individual you must speak to, simply know that you just’re going to make issues sophisticated for [them]. If you’ll find another person, you will get round these issues by selecting somebody who’s a bit bit on the surface.” As gratifying as it could really feel to speak in confidence to somebody who’s in-the-know, if you happen to actually need that secret stored, it could be greatest to discover a third get together particular person.
