Learning to Walk Alone

I have been alone my complete life.  I do not imply that actually, in fact.  I’ve a big household, a girlfriend, and a job that requires me to talk with individuals on a near-constant foundation.  

After I was youthful, I served within the Marine Corps. the place I routinely shared a squad bay with 60 different males.  And after I labored as a farmer’s apprentice, I shared a bunkhouse with 5 different individuals.

So, it is uncommon that my aloneness has been of a bodily sort.  Fairly, it’s within the psychological and religious realms that isolation has been my solely buddy.

For a time, this bothered me.  I assumed I used to be faulty as a result of I did not care concerning the sports activities groups, the TV exhibits, and the favored tradition of the individuals round me.  

I attempted to faux it.  

I watched soccer highlights on the weekend, so I had one thing to speak about with coworkers on Monday.  I studied mannequins in storefront home windows, so I may study to decorate fashionably.  And I researched the bands I heard on High 40 radio stations, so I may higher perceive popular culture references.

It labored for a time.  I elbowed my method into the internal circle of society.  I drank IPAs, I listened to Dane Prepare dinner, and I drove a sports activities automotive.  However the deeper I moved into standard tradition the much less I favored what I noticed.

Greater than that, the grim, shallow nature of all of it was killing me inside.

For a sociable particular person
there are allurements;
on the heels of allurement, there may be ache.
Seeing allurement’s drawbacks,
wander alone

like a rhinoceros

I might been entranced by the allurements of the world, however the ache that got here with them was insufferable.  So, I selected to stroll a special path.

I gave my life to Buddhism, and I discovered to stroll alone.

Additionally, after I left company America to do farm apprenticeships, I used to be with out mobile phone service for lengthy intervals of time. And this weblog was the one method my household had of realizing I used to be nonetheless alive.

Over time, my apply grew, and so did my writing.  I grew to become a Buddhist instructor, and I wrote Dharma books.  I used to be invited to provide Dharma talks, and I began a YouTube channel.  

This led to me having a bigger social media presence.  Via this expertise, I discovered that I favored having solitude as a buddy.  Greater than that, I missed her when she was away.

The algorithms, ratios, and engagement stats of social media had been a poor substitute for the peacefulness that solitude carried together with her.  However I had excellent news that I needed to share, and I could not try this in isolation, so I carried on as finest I may.

I attempted to faux it.

I ought to cease right here and say that I’ve related with a number of the kindest, gentlest souls because of my time on social media.  Their encouraging feedback and humorous tales have introduced numerous smiles to my face.  And I will probably be ceaselessly grateful for his or her assist.

However I’ve reached a breaking level this previous 12 months.  

It looks like I spend much less time instructing Buddhism, and extra time sustaining my social media accounts.  I really like Buddhism.  I do not love planning social media methods.

To place it one other method, I used to be intoxicated by the allurement of constructing a social media platform.  However I’ve began to see the drawbacks.

So, I will do one thing I have never achieved shortly.  I will stroll alone.  

My social media will get much less (nearly none) of my consideration.  And all of my power will probably be put into instructing the Dharma.

Namu Amida Butsu

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