For Years, I Lived with Seasonal Affective Disorder, Thinking It Was Just the Winter Blues

As advised to Nicole Audrey Spector

Come on, Jules. Get it collectively. Suck it up. You are able to do this. You’re an athlete. Not simply any athlete however one specializing in endurance sports activities. Take into consideration that phrase. Endurance. You simply should endure this.

That’s what I saved telling myself after I would get up within the morning feeling completely stripped of my regular get-up-and-go vigor. It was late fall in Michigan. The lengthy street of winter lay forward. The mere considered it crammed me with dread as a result of I knew I’d really feel much more zapped of power because the dreary months drudged on.

Seldom did I see the sunshine. I would depart for work when it was nonetheless darkish out and get out of labor when it was darkish as soon as once more. The one gentle I actually knew throughout these months was the tough, buzzing fluorescence of the indoors.

Throughout these darkish months, my temper would plummet. I used to be a mix of unhappy, anxious and listless suddenly. The winter doldrums, I figured. No one enjoys these darkish, bitterly chilly stretches.

However I had different signs as properly — together with physique aches, extreme sleeping, fatigue, and profound mind fog. The mind fog was the worst. I’d simply sit there looking at a wall of emails feeling prefer it was closing in on me, like I used to be frozen.

Some years later, I relocated to Dallas with my husband. I used to be thrilled to be in a hotter, sunnier local weather. However Dallas experiences winter, too. It’s nothing like what you get in Michigan, however the days are nonetheless quick and when you don’t make an effort, you may simply overlook to get out within the sunshine in any respect.

It was a pair winters in the past after I felt my outdated gloomy signs return. I used to be more than just bummed out, I was depressed — and infrequently barely in a position to get away from bed. I used to be additionally coping with different well being points, together with chronic migraine attacks. Because the winter blues kicked in, my migraine assaults acquired far worse. I wound up visiting a handful of medical doctors to attempt to unravel what was happening with the persistent migraine assaults.

Finally I discovered a PCP that I actually related with who, over time, picked up on a sample: I had signs of melancholy all 12 months spherical, however my signs actually elevated throughout the winter months. The physique aches, mind fog and migraine attacks additionally worsened.

“I believe you might have seasonal affective disorder,” he mentioned.

I’d heard of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and understood that it was a kind of melancholy that flares up within the fall and winter months. What I didn’t know was simply how huge the spectrum of SAD signs is. Folks dwelling with SAD might expertise not solely unhappiness, but additionally mind fog, listlessness, fatigue, extreme sleeping and sluggishness, amongst different signs.

There’s no blood check or different technique to formally diagnose SAD. However I’ve all of the signs, which led my physician to conclude that I’ve it.

Most individuals right here in Dallas are used to the lengthy, sunny days so that they romanticize fall and winter. They stay up for the brisk air, the crunchy leaves and the pumpkin spice lattés. However I face the darker months with a way of foreboding. I do know that my melancholy will dip, my physique aches will intensify, my mind fog will rework into one thing extra carefully resembling whole confusion and my want for sleep will enhance.

However I can’t let the SAD win. In any other case, I’ll have such a small and, properly, unhappy life.

So, I gear up for winter prefer it’s an endurance sport unto itself. My first technique of assault is to go up on my antidepressants. This is step one as a result of for me, with out the remedy, I actually can’t do something.

I’ve gentle packing containers round the home that I exploit to take in digital rays. These with SAD are really useful to start out with 30 minutes a day of light therapy with a 10,000 lux fluorescent light box.

The sunshine field helps a bit, however what I discover helps me most is to regulate my sleep cycle to be in whole sync with my circadian clock. To do that, I’ve my dinner properly earlier than the solar units (right here in Texas, which means by about 5:45 p.m. this time of 12 months). I wind down early and go to mattress as early as I can.

Then, I get up with the solar.

2021 (Photograph/Paul Simon)

Probably the most essential a part of my SAD-combatting routine is to get outside with my canines when the solar is shining vibrant. I usually don’t have the power for a run, however I can muster a stroll. Simply strolling for some time within the peace and quiet, underneath the magnificent sprawl of the solar, infuses me with power. Once more, I by no means actually get sufficient power to do a full-on exercise (at the least, not but), however I can collect sufficient life drive to propel me by my day.

Till I came upon that I seemingly have SAD, I figured that the best way I suffered within the winters was regular, and that I used to be being dramatic for feeling upset over it. And I used to be baffled. How might an endurance athlete be delivered to her knees by one thing as pure because the altering of the seasons?

However like so many invisible diseases, SAD is a trickster. It likes to make you second-guess your self. The avalanche of mind fog certainly doesn’t assist, as that alone could make you are feeling such as you’re shedding your thoughts.

Now that I’ve begun treating myself for SAD — and seeing optimistic outcomes — I ponder what number of others reside with the situation and simply don’t realize it. Possibly like me, they assume they only have to toughen up. I’d like these folks to speak to their physician about their signs and to appreciate that SAD isn’t simply the winter blues. It may possibly result in critical melancholy, and so many different devastating signs.

I hope that when you assume you’re experiencing SAD, you received’t, as I did, wait years and years to carry it as much as your physician. Speak about it now and search out the sunshine — even when it is available in a field.

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