Baby: Welcome to my Mommy’s podcast.
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Good day, and welcome to the Wellness Mama podcast. I’m Katie from wellnessmama.com, and I’m right here right this moment with somebody I met final yr at an occasion, and he had such a inventive thought, particularly for these of us who’ve been by means of troublesome issues in our lives, in wanting to assist our kids have a neater childhood. Dane Maxwell has been an entrepreneur for 10 years and helped many different individuals do the identical however is now turned artist and singer. And that’s what we actually delve into right this moment. We really don’t actually contact on his profitable profession as an entrepreneur and serial entrepreneur, however how his technique of studying to unravel his personal trauma and discover inside peace led to him making a kids’s guide for his daughter to assist impart a few of those self same classes. And he really offers a template if you wish to do that as effectively. I’ve discovered it is a enjoyable, inventive venture. And he actually delves into that right this moment, however he additionally touches on some therapies that actually assist with PTSD, in addition to what his personal course of appears like and gave some actually actionable recommendations on ways in which you could find extra grace, ease, and pleasure in your life. So take pleasure in this wide-ranging dialog with my pal, Dane. Dane, welcome. Thanks a lot for being right here.
Dane: Let’s do some stuff, Katie. Let’s discuss it.
Katie: I’m so excited. I bought to satisfy you in individual at an occasion final yr and knew that I used to be so excited to have your voice on this podcast. We had a beautiful dialog and I really feel like a lot of what you discuss resonated so deeply with me. And I can’t wait to share that with everyone listening right this moment. I feel I’d love to only hear a bit of bit about your background. I’ve heard a few of this in individual, however I feel it’s useful to the dialog and likewise simply such an interesting story. So are you able to, we’ll get into the guide, which I’m excited to delve into, however are you able to clarify how you bought so far?
Dane: Effectively, yeah. And the guide is admittedly secondary, proper? As a result of it was a kids’s guide I wrote for my daughter to save lots of her from the trauma that I skilled rising up. And that’s a secondary matter. The background of that is actually fascinating as a result of I’m a really hypersensitive male, so I really feel every thing. And I bought very rejected rising up. And ridiculed, abused, bullied, a lot in order that I ended up abandoning the great thing about my very own coronary heart. And in abandoning the great thing about my very own coronary heart, I selected to construct spectacular companies and present them off to the world. I’d mainly liken it to after I didn’t imagine I mattered and thought I had an unsightly coronary heart, I constructed lovely companies and confirmed them off to the world. As I started to imagine in the great thing about my very own coronary heart and imagine in my existence mattering, all I wished to do was sing.
Now, these are utterly totally different worlds as a result of I, as a result of I had all of the heartbreak, I needed to construct a extremely robust mind to deal with all of the heartbreak. And that robust mind is ready to navigate the enterprise world. When the fervour for singing got here on-line, I would as effectively have been in a wheelchair in that area and having to go to bodily remedy. So it’s taken me, I’m 40 now, at 33, I made the transition. It’s taken me seven years, 5 vocal coaches, quitting music 4 occasions as a result of it was simply so troublesome for my coronary heart. And that’s simply my, my best pleasure is for each mom that largely mom’s listening to exhibits that they understand how worthy they’re, how a lot they matter. And the way a lot of, like as you stated, of a power they’re for the planet. And simply how a lot I’ve struggled with that with my very own journey. And I’m lastly arriving at a spot the place I can present my face with no masks.
Katie: Yeah, I feel so many elements of what you talked about simply now and in our first dialog actually resonated with me as a result of I feel lots of people listening have had that have of possibly having that pull in direction of one thing that they know is form of an alignment that’s what their calling is. And having worry round getting into that or having tales that stop us from getting into that. And such as you, I went down the excessive attaining entrepreneur route from an analogous childhood of not believing I used to be lovable. And I had this concept that if I may create sufficient issues that will assist people who I may possibly discover, I may show to myself that I used to be lovable.
And such as you, I bought to unpack a number of that. And the sweetness in that’s realizing like these companies had been nonetheless useful to individuals and I’m so grateful for them. However after I was in a position to come from a spot of not making an attempt to show my worth or my price in existence, however from only a deeper place of affection, it shifted how I felt about it and the entire dialog. And I feel mockingly made it simpler to attach with individuals and to develop in a method that was actually impactful. I additionally love for you that it concerned singing, as a result of I feel there’s a ravishing metaphor about discovering your voice. And I’ve been on that journey as effectively. I’m nonetheless on it. I’ve on no account resolved it, however I feel for ladies, particularly, it usually could be onerous to seek out your genuine voice in right this moment’s world. And I do know that you’ve a daughter and that that’s, I’m certain, one thing you consider usually together with her as effectively.
Dane: Mm-hmm. Effectively, I don’t give it some thought with my, my daughter has a voice, and she or he makes use of it fairly effectively. I’m not anxious about it. I’m largely watching, like if my daughter will get offended after which I’m like, ah man. She’s my strolling shadow. The place do I’ve unresolved anger? After which I’ll work on my unresolved anger, and she or he’ll be much less offended. It’s wild. I take a lot duty for, if my daughter is performing in a method that’s puzzling to me, I’m virtually sure she’s mirroring my unconscious. So it’s, you recognize, if she explodes sooner or later, if she’s impatient sooner or later, I’m like, the place do I’ve impatience? The place do I nonetheless explode? And I heal that after which my daughter simply transforms in entrance of my very eyes. However yeah, my daughter’s bought a very good voice proper now. If she loses it, I will probably be eager about it on a regular basis. And I feel when it comes to discovering your voice, it’s a thriller. I feel we simply return prior to now and take a look at each time somebody shunned our genuine voice and remap that emotional expertise til we simply develop into like my four-year-old daughter once more, who has no ideas about utilizing her voice in any respect.
Katie: Effectively, two such necessary factors, I feel, there. One is that I see day-after-day how a lot we are able to be taught from our youngsters, even in easy methods, like how a lot they naturally transfer within the ways in which all of us work with trainers to get again to as adults, or how they will simply thrive of their setting, or they will climb a tree, and this stuff that will really feel so troublesome to many people as adults.
However I feel what you stated additionally is admittedly necessary about on the finish of the day, we solely can management ourselves. We are able to solely management our personal emotional responses, our personal emotions, how we present up on this planet. And I do know that may be a troublesome factor to listen to, however I feel there’s a proportionate relationship between the quantity of duty we soak up our personal lives and our reference to different human beings. And for individuals who have pushed again on that previously, I stated, you recognize, for those who suppose you’ll be able to really management your baby, which I’d argue isn’t a fantastic factor to attempt anyway. However for those who suppose you would, have you ever had a two-year-old? Since you can not power them to eat what you need them to eat. You can’t power them to sleep. You would possibly be capable to power them to go to mattress, however you’re not going to power them to sleep. They’re already their very own infinite autonomous individuals. However what you’ll be able to management is your self. And also you management the way you present up in that interplay and your personal inside state.
And I do know additionally that that’s simpler stated than accomplished. And it sounds prefer it was a journey for you as effectively, that you simply didn’t simply get up sooner or later in full and sleek management of your inside expertise of life and the way you communicated with everyone. What did that journey seem like for you?
Dane: I counsel no one take that path. It was actually troublesome. So the unhealthy for me, I’m simply experimenting with my daughter. So it’s like. I’ve tried to get my daughter to relax, attempt to get my daughter to relax, attempt to get my daughter to relax. Then I’m like, wait. Why am I not calm in my life? Proper. And I’m simply experimenting with it. And what I’m taking a look at is like, so the unhealthy information is, it’s it’s a must to do the work. The excellent news is you do get a bit of little bit of management as a result of if I’ve unresolved, if my daughter has unresolved anger and all I’ve to do to resolve her unresolved anger is acknowledge that she’s my strolling shadow and take a look at and resolve my very own anger after which she stops performing out my unconscious, it’s probably the most liberating issues as mother and father. It’s really higher information than, oh, I simply must get my daughter to vary after which I’ll really feel higher. It’s no wait, the place’s my daughter performing out my unconscious? How can I modify it? After which she modifies mechanically. It’s like, it’s really higher this manner. Since you really can affect it by altering your self.
So youngsters, and that is simply working for me with my daughter. I don’t know. Some mother’s going to have like both bipolar or autism or, you recognize, there’s, I don’t suppose there’s something I can say about that regard. However it’s price exploring kids because the shadow of your unconscious, puzzling habits that you simply’re puzzled by reflecting on your self. Your query was, how did I work on my journey? First, I began with discuss remedy. Then I did EFT and tapping. Then I did neuroemotional approach, which is sort of a muscle testing tapping. Then I went forward and I attempted just like the ayahuasca. Then I went forward and tried like this stuff referred to as like a bio-emotive framework, which is like an emotional factor for processing.
And nothing actually, actually labored to the diploma that I wished till I discovered a Hatha Yoga practitioner. And now I do Hatha Yoga 5 days per week, 90 minutes each morning, 5 days per week from 6 to 7:30. And it doesn’t matter what occurs in the course of the day, I get up at 6 AM. And I get to course of it by means of as a result of the Hatha Yoga observe, mainly, you’d be amazed as a girl, really, how little it is advisable to discuss issues. And the way a lot you simply must get the power out of your physique. And Hatha Yoga is like, if you would like the quickest shortcut to feeling well-being, get the power out of your physique. Half the time while you’re speaking about issues, you’re simply reinforcing them. Generally it’s actually good to speak about it, actually, actually good to speak about it. However a number of occasions you’re simply reinforcing stuff, particularly mothers that like complain about their youngsters to different mothers. Please don’t do this. Your youngsters, your youngsters, your youngsters are going to develop up with like a not-enough syndrome and also you’re going to surprise why. And it’s as a result of they felt you doing that, you recognize. And so, I simply wish to say. Hatha Yoga did wonders for me. I talked about my issues till they had been sorted out. However as soon as I bought the power out of my physique, I didn’t want to speak.
Now, getting the power out of my physique has been viciously painful. However I’m speaking like viciously painful for like 5 minutes at a time. So 5 minutes of vicious ache after which simply bliss. It’s like, it’s bliss. Just like the ache will get out of the system. It’s like, the very last thing I wish to do is really feel this. The very last thing I wish to do is go into this. The very last thing I wish to do is embrace this. And I really feel all that whereas simply doing it. After which I’m like, oh, I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. 5 minutes. 5 minutes is the longest time. Then, growth, I pop by means of, and I’m like, oh, dude, what simply occurred? I simply popped by means of a complete bubble in my mind. So Hatha Yoga was like my absolute favourite for what I like to recommend. It’s a really personalised factor. And I like to recommend having it’s some type of body-based motion. Extra so than like a chat remedy.
And working is just not, I don’t suggest working As a result of working can hold your combat or flight, your flight response on whilst you’re working. And so Hatha Yoga is very nice as a result of it disables combat and disables flight. It will get you into the remaining and leisure state the place the sentiments can then circulation safely. After which really additionally, I bought a organic remedy accomplished for PTSD. Katie, it’s completely mind-blowing. It’s referred to as twin sympathetic reset. They usually go into the spinal wire, and so they put a numbing agent on the spinal wire, which resets the combat or flight response. So ladies which have been raped are getting this. Troopers that come again from fight are getting this. And it’s resetting their physique again to the pre-trauma state. It’s completely mind-blowing. It’s like three grand or one thing. And such as you reset your combat or flight response. That’s referred to as twin sympathetic reset. You’ll be able to Google that. That was actually monumental. After which Hatha Yoga was actually monumental. I don’t do like journaling. I don’t do a complete lot of meditation, which I’m beginning to do. It was actually simply getting the power out of the physique. Lengthy reply.
Katie: That’s such a very good level, although. I had an analogous expertise with that, having trauma in my previous as effectively and experiencing that discuss remedy wasn’t useful as a result of my aware thoughts was in a position to form of hold it locked down and never and be capable to not really go there. And that there was a technique of relearning to form of be in contact with my physique once more after dissociating after that fairly excessive trauma. And so issues like tapping had been actually useful to me as effectively. However I feel that guide, The Physique Retains the Rating, initially opened my thoughts to the thought as like, sure, we consider therapeutic simply within the thoughts, however you’ll be able to really the physique is an unbelievable instrument and pal in that journey for you as effectively.
I additionally like that you simply body this within the within the reference perspective of that we’ve got it in our capacity to do that work, that we really a lot of that is inside our management to start to shift as a result of I say the identical factor even on the bodily well being aspect. We hear these statistics that over 80 or 90 p.c of individuals have some marker of metabolic illness. And to me, that’s nice information as a result of meaning there’s life-style components concerned that we’ve got the power to create change round. And I feel the identical is true in therapeutic. So simply as I usually say, we’re every our personal main well being care supplier, I additionally like to comply with that up with and we’re our personal healer. That has to begin and it ends inside us. And there could be useful instruments alongside that journey. However the course of is inside us in each circumstances.
You additionally talked about that story of like, oh, if simply my daughter was regulated, then I’d be calm or if simply I feel any of these if simply tales are nice mild into the place we’re nonetheless caught generally. I used to have these tales. Even when solely, I had been a sure dimension, then I’d be joyful. If solely I regarded like this, then I’d be joyful. And it’s that reframe of understanding after I discover self-love, after I can discover grace, ease, and pleasure, after I can discover inside peace. These issues would possibly shift and so they’re not going to really feel just like the necessary factor anymore. And I do know for you, what I used to be most excited to get to delve deep on right this moment is that this lovely journey for you led to you creating one thing to assist your daughter to have hopefully a extra lovely path from an earlier age. And I’d love so that you can discuss this, as a result of despite the fact that it is a guide that you simply wrote, you and I spoke about how this can be an incredible instrument for all mother and father, that they will each profit out of your guide, however that is additionally one thing we are able to all do. So are you able to clarify how the guide got here to mild?
Dane: I like my canine, he’s simply tearing the carpet up behind me. When you guys are watching video, I’ve a bit of cute little King Charles Cavalier canine. Biggest canine I ever had, by the way in which. So kids’s guide. What I want to give and what I’d like to supply everyone free of charge on this podcast is I wish to provide you with a free information on the right way to make a kids’s guide on your baby that mixes what your baby loves with what your core trauma story was. You mix what your baby loves along with your core trauma story sample, plug it right into a content material creation framework referred to as just like the hero’s journey, which you’ll all get on this doc. So you’re taking your baby’s nice loves, your core trauma sample, plug it right into a story framework utilizing the hero’s journey framework. I’ll provide you with all of the information. I’m repeating it simply so that you guys can hear it once more. After which additionally utilizing AI, the right way to immediate AI to create the photographs and the right way to immediate AI to put in writing the story for you so you’ll be able to inform the story to your baby and have their full consideration as a result of it’s about what they love.
So I used to be in a shower. I’m sorry, my daughter was in a shower. And she or he wouldn’t cease speaking about mermaids. She loves mermaids. Oh, my gosh. Mermaid this, mermaid that. She desires to put on a mermaid tail and, like, hobble round the home, which drove me a bit of bit nuts. Identical to, simply stroll, use your leg. You understand. Extra of my very own stuff to have a look at there. And so she loves mermaids. After which my core trauma sample was I may by no means discover acceptance on this planet rising up so I saved altering myself. I saved altering myself to attempt to get acceptance from the group. And it didn’t work. I by no means bought acceptance from the group.
And I modified myself like six occasions by the point I nonetheless wasn’t accepted that by the point I modified myself for the sixth time, I used to be misplaced as to who I used to be. I would as effectively attempt entrepreneurship. Looks as if a reasonably good thought. Mark Zuckerberg appears to be fairly celebrated on the duvet of Yahoo proper now. This appears to be a very good path to go for a man that couldn’t discover acceptance anyplace else. In order that was my core trauma patterns. The very last thing I would like my daughter to do is to vary herself time and again till she loses herself. So I wrote a guide referred to as The Mermaid Who Couldn’t Decide a Tail. I like the title. I’m very, I’m really very impressed with my creativity as a result of I by no means explored this side of myself. However I got here up with The Mermaid Who Couldn’t Decide a Tail. I used to be like, that is the best title for a kids’s guide ever. And there’s no different guide named that.
After which I’ve this lovely mermaid named Nomi and her little pet fish pal named Gooper. They usually go across the ocean and like she will get rejected and tries to vary her tail after which finds like this individual that claims, don’t hand over your true tail. And I learn it to my daughter and I’m like type of crying as I’m studying it to her. And we’ve learn it to her like in all probability like 10 occasions now. And I used to be like, mother and father want to do that for his or her youngsters. Take your kids’s love, take your core trauma, use the hero’s journey framework, create a bit of, it doesn’t must be very it doesn’t must be like excellent wanting. Like for those who go to Amazon and also you search The Mermaid Who Couldn’t Decide a Tail or higher but, use the hyperlink that Katie offers you and take a look at the guide. You see, it’s lovely. I spared no expense constructing this guide. I didn’t begin that method, Katie. I used to be like, I’m simply going to do it in a Google Doc, a couple of photographs. Effectively, like eighteen thousand {dollars} and eleven months later, I’ve an eighteen-thousand-dollar kids’s guide, which appears completely beautiful. However I used to be like something for my daughter to have freedom. I didn’t must go to that extent. However that’s type of the essence of it. And I simply wished mothers to have the ability to make these type of books for his or her youngsters, too. You don’t must make one. You might make like 10 of them. They usually’re very easy to do with AI. They’re virtually free.
Katie: Yeah, it was so cool to listen to that story from you. And I had not considered, I had been looking for kids’s books that I may learn to my youngsters that will have messages that I wished to assist them be taught. However I had not considered creating one till we had that dialog. And the irony is my oldest daughter really had. In order a college venture, she created a guide that she printed, I feel on Shutterfly or one thing for her youthful siblings. And she or he’ll learn it to them generally at evening. And so I assumed it was superior that she had give you that concept too earlier than I had and earlier than talking with you.
However I like this idea as a result of I feel that is one thing, such as you stated, very tangible that our youngsters already love bedtime tales. And it is a method that we are able to join with them extra deeply and likewise in a really enjoyable method, assist them to keep away from a few of these patterns that we had or that we skilled as youngsters. And I feel additionally possibly even unwind a few of that generational trauma for the individuals who discuss how even our traumas can get handed down and the way we are able to break that cycle. I do know there are a number of mothers who’re obsessed with form of being these cycle breakers for his or her households.
Dane: Sure. You do a very good job reflecting on these exhibits.
Katie: Oh, effectively, thanks. And such as you stated, I’ll be sure the hyperlinks can be found within the present notes in addition to I’m certain you’ll get me a hyperlink for the free information on the right way to really navigate this course of so we don’t all must determine it out from scratch. And I do know there’s instruments now, such as you talked about, that you would be able to get this printed on-line. You might even in all probability print it and promote it for those who wished to, as a result of I do know yours is accessible and I’ll put that hyperlink within the present notes as effectively. However I simply suppose that is such a enjoyable, inventive venture and that many people as adults haven’t gotten to faucet into our creativity deeply in a very long time. And so I feel it’s enjoyable for us as effectively to have the ability to begin on that journey a bit of bit.
Dane: I went forward and regarded up actual fast. I’ll register a site, childtraumafreedom.com. Baby trauma freedom. And that’s going to, that’ll ahead individuals to a Google Doc. And on that Google Doc, you’ll get the information. Now, I’m not going to convey you guys to a squeeze web page and attempt to seize your e mail after which promote you one thing later. That is actually simply, motive is generosity. And I would like you to really feel it. Go there. You get the Google Doc. Create your kids’s books. If you wish to get The Mermaid Who Couldn’t Decide a Tail, I’d recognize it. However solely in case you have youngsters that will profit from the guide. However I’d like to have that. After which I’ll put my e mail on there. And in addition, Katie, you’ll be able to put your e mail on there. And any of you guys that find yourself making kids’s books, even when it’s only a Google Doc with a couple of photographs. I had a pal of mine make a kids’s guide about like a lady who struggled to like Jesus after which discovered Jesus. And it was only a Google Doc with some like AI-generated pages. And like his three daughters had been similar to all huddled round him as he was studying this factor that he printed off from a printer. It wasn’t fancy, but it surely modified the, is a large connection level. Yeah, childtraumafreedom.com. Get the Google Doc, fill it out or comply with it. Get a guide on your child and let Katie and I do know what you find yourself making.
Katie: I like that. All of these hyperlinks for you guys listening on the go will probably be within the present notes at wellnessmama.com. And, Dane, I do know we’re going to get to have one other dialog that will get to go deeper in a few of these areas and discuss discovering and sustaining your sanity as a mother and as a father or mother. However for right this moment, this has been such a enjoyable dialog. And like I stated, after I first met you, I knew I wished to share about your message as a result of I feel that is such a useful instrument, particularly for these of us who’ve navigated some troublesome life circumstances and wish to assist our kids have a greater childhood than we did. So thanks a lot on your time and on your vulnerability and sharing right this moment.
Dane: I’m honored to be on. Thanks, mothers, for elevating. Thanks to my mother for elevating me. And thanks to mothers for an important job I feel exists on this planet.
Katie: And thanks for listening as all the time and sharing your time with us right this moment. We’re each so grateful that you simply did. And I hope that you’ll be part of me once more on the following episode of the Wellness Mama podcast.
When you’re having fun with these interviews, would you please take two minutes to depart a score or assessment on iTunes for me? Doing this helps extra individuals to seek out the podcast, which implies much more mothers and households may gain advantage from the knowledge. I actually recognize your time, and thanks as all the time for listening.
